For me this has been one of most difficult weeks of my life. I like many other people desperately wanted the election to be over. My mind and soul were sick of all the hatred and the arguments that had gone on for way too long. I just wanted to wake up to a steady but somewhat peaceful world. Unfortunately that is not exactly what was destined to happen. Around 3:30 Wednesday morning I awoke to alerts going off on my phone. I had forgotten to turn my volume down. My phone was going crazy. As I was about to roll over and blindly silence the phone I noticed the bedroom television was still on. I took a quick glance and suddenly realized what was probably going on with my phone.
I like many other Americans spent Wednesday morning in a fog. I silently sat in my bed and watched my Facebook feed show me all my Christian friends that were celebrating. I watched some friends like, love or comment on certain news status and post. I was simply horrified. I wasn’t horrified by their party affiliation because I already unbeknownst to some of them knew it. I know these things because party affiliation is public record. I was just shocked at the mere fact that they had voted for a particular candidate. I have always had a diverse group of friends. It has never mattered what political party they were affiliated with. Yet this time for me how they have voted has sadly made a difference. I watched friend after friend after friend in jubilant celebration. Thanks to social media newsfeeds I now knew with whom I had been dealing with.
I found myself on my knees on my bathroom floor at 4:00am in the morning crying and praying. I was pleading with God to make this all a dream. I prayed and asked God to give me the right words for my morning meeting. You see I already knew the type of mean and discriminating world we live in. I now realized that by the results of this election the world as we knew it in a few hours would never be the same. I also knew that even though some of my friends would never go around bullying people and making racially charged statements at least not in public. I knew that some of this particular candidate’s followers would feel liberated and now feel free to do it. Now because the people had spoken “Political Correctness ” was no longer in some people’s minds needed. All gloves were off. All the frustration and anger could now be openly justified and allowed. Hatred and Discrimination Unleashed would suddenly seem appropriate. Obviously some of my friends and associates had not realized there would be new rules of engagement.
Finally, I gathered myself together and I headed for my meeting. Of all the days and all the meetings that I am a part of. Today would be a Diversity Meeting. As I sat at a stop light at a very busy intersection I glanced over to the car on my left. Two men of a different race were sitting in it. All of a sudden the man in the passenger seat looked over at me started laughing and stuck up his middle finger. I wasn’t shocked and I was not disappointed. I just simply turned away from him and turned up my radio playing gospel music. I simply had no energy yet for the (insert bad word) yet. Yep I thought “this is only the beginning, this was what some of my friends had so excitedly voted for”.
After a very healthy and emotional meeting I stopped at my local store to pick up a few things. Usually the atmosphere in the store is quite cheerful but not today. I gathered my things and headed for the cash register. As I approached the register there was couple and little boy standing there. The father quickly grabbed his son and moved over. He said to his son “ no worries son now that (Blank) is President you don’t have to stand beside people like her anymore”. I just thought to myself “Jesus Christ please just let me make it out of this store”……Well they left the store and I put my items on the counter. All of a sudden I feel someone close up on my back in my personal space. I am thinking to myself this must be someone I know. I turn around and nope it is NOT! Apparently Elvira’s twin sister had made it into the store. I took a deep breath and took a step forward and paid for my things and left the store. I sat in my car and thought to myself this is going to be a long 4 years. Lord how am I going to manage having to find a Bails Bondman from now own. The feisty part of me was today was still surprisingly sleepy and numb.
I decided to head to my church and get a mission project done because I probably would need to stay inside the confines of my home for the rest of the week. I am just not ready to put an orange jumpsuit on. So I headed to the church. Grabbed a key from the office and headed to the sanctuary to get my mission bags done. I was glad to be in the sanctuary for a few moments no radio playing and no tv on. I was just going to get my work done. I kept being drawn to our church altar. I remember saying out loud “ nope I am not worthy today to come near the throne.” I tried to focus on getting things done. I started singing out loud but I couldn’t remember the words to any of my beloved songs. I was simply too mentally and physically and spiritually gone.
A few minutes passed and I was again somewhat beckoned to the throne.
I finally gave in and went over to the front pew and sat down for a moment. I stared up at the cross and waited for God. I know I sat there 10 minutes and simply couldn’t hear a sound. All of a sudden the tears began to fall and sobs from deep within find themselves suddenly on their way out. Years of frustration and anxiety found their way out. After a few minutes I realized I had no words for God and evidently He had none. After a while something said “look up”……. when I looked up my face was directly in line with the altar table. “ Remembrance of Me” (This picture posted depicts what I found). I was simply stunned. I dried my tears and took some breaths and stood up. I placed my hand on the church bible and declared out loud “ Ok Big Guy I am going to trust you on this one. I hope and pray You don’t let me down. I have never been in this dark place before and I don’t think I am wired to take anymore”………….
On the drive home I decided that perhaps just perhaps I may very well not be “Christian” I simply do not share the same views with some of them. Compassion is in my personal opinion the most compelling thing about the story of Jesus Christ. I managed to find that personality trait in all the Biblical Chapters about Him. I believe with all my heart gender equality, racial equality and religious equality are far more important than economy, foreign policy, healthcare and taxes. For me how I have shown love and compassion for fellow man and woman is what I am most concerned with when it’s time for me to face God……. I am Remembering God in ALL things and honestly praying others will do the same. Tomorrow is coming and I am no longer numb so all the racial tension and hatred better soon be long gone because…… in the future it will not be ignored. I am sure in the days ahead I will be spending lots of time on my knees at God’s Throne. I and those I love now find ourselves wishing for a more peaceful time that is now long gone. I am truly heartbroken that some people I know sadly turned their faces from the blatant discrimination and still made their choices. For some others now I look back and realize they actually are part of the crowd that secretly and in their private groups cheered for it. Today I saw some of my friends and associates in a way I never had seen them before. Sadly I just can’t seem to accept the excuses for justifying doing something like this. For the next four years I will daily and desperately be REMEMBERING HIM! What A Day!
Blessings Upon Blessings